I have a new theory of how the universe came to be.
I've grappled for a long time with the 'Big Bang' theory, but I continue to have a bit of difficulty with it. As I understand the 'Big Bang' theory, there was, prior to the beginning, a whole lot of nothing, and then the nothing exploded. Humph.
Why am I unconvinced? Perhaps because it strikes me as a 'Big Bullshit' theory? Why would anyone think such a preposterous thing? -- something tantalizing to write on a research grant application? -- the aftermath of an ill-educated wild mushroom harvest? -- a college prank thought up in a frat house just before the alcohol-induced vomiting came on? I don't know. All I know is that the theory leaves me cold. For me, it's right up there with 'virgin birth', 'Papal infallibility', and the 'miracle of compound interest'.
My theory borrows a wee bit from 'Big Bang', but at least it offers something to be banged. Here it is:
I postulate that there was, in the original void, a cosmic pinata packed full of all of the universe's stuff. I further postulate that there was a 'God', idly swinging a hockey stick about. At some point, the hockey stick connected with the pinata and "Crraaacccckkkkk!", the pinata burst open and spilled its contents out into the void, filling up the void ever so nicely with its current furnishings.
Ok. I know what you're thinking -- "So who or what was responsible for the pinata, and who or what was responsible for 'God'?", and where did the hockey stick come from? -- Canadian Tire?
Beats the bleep outta me. I only said that it's a theory. We can work out the details as we go along.